Hi there! I’m Jessica, which I guess you’re probably thinking, “oh great another wanna be blogger”. Yeah, maybe, but here you are reading my intro anyway. I’m here to blabber to you about my crazy, fun adventures of the PNW which I fell in love with a short time ago, but I’ll get into all that later.
Back to about me..
I’m married to a very loving, caring & funny guy of 2 years, but been together 9. It’s been an amazing 9 years, to see where we started out and to see where we’re at in our life now. We have definately come a long way. We’ve had our fair share of up & downs but who hasn’t? So cliche right?
We currently have no kids but 3 fur children. Yes, not a typo. THREE dogs. ALL huskies. So imagine the hair. Tumble weeds of hair in all corners of the house. Scratch that, hair just all over the house. We wear, breathe & eat it. My husbands dream is to have 5 for his husky farm but after our 3rd being so difficult I think he’s changed his mind… hopefully… but doubtful.
We just purchased our first home together and from where we lived anything was an upgrade. We had no heat but the rent was dirt cheap so we didn’t care. Allowed us to pay for our wedding, save up & simply just spend money on shit we didn’t need. So here we are at age 29, married, with 3 furry children with a roof over our heads. I’d say were doing pretty damn good, but is that what makes someone Happy? Having it all in life, picture perfect life on paper? When I was younger I said I wanted kids & to be married by 25. Did either of those happen by then? No. I got married at 27 but no kids yet which is A oooookay with me right now. Kids are not on this year’s agenda. I always looked at life as if I got married, bought a house, had a good job and kids, that would be the perfect life. Right? And I would be forever happy. In society’s eyes yes. We all want someone to share life with and to make memories in a home we call our own with children we created and watch them grow up and someday maybe have kids of their own. To have a secure job that you enjoy since you spend a third of your day there. Of course all these are important but I am not sure it’s the key to happiness. I have 3/4 of those things. I have been battling with the last one for a bit now. Do i really want Kids? I have never truly desired them. I feel as though if I had kids right now, it would be to please other people & because that’s what people do. Have kids and then life is complete. Idk I am rambling here and this is partially why I want to blog. Get the millions of thoughts out there to possibly figure this whole happiness thing out. Maybe there are people out there that can relate.
More about me, I have anxiety. I’m an obsessor of my thoughts, I over think everything. I never stop thinking & it drains me but I can’t help it. I’ll probably wait forever to post this blog because of what people might think. That could be a blog in itself. That’s just how my brain works. For almost a year now i have been going through something I can’t really explain. I can’t figure it out (Possibly depression). I’ve had depression before but this time its different. I have the perfect life (okay nothing is perfect) but why am I not happy? I feel empty inside a lot. I cry out of nowhere & my poor husband thinks it’s him and it’s not. He has told me it could be I have too much on my plate. Don’t get me wrong, I have days I’m happy and I’m starting to feel better but most of the time I just want to burrow in my pillow and sleep. Just forget about doing life but we all have to do it but why is it such a struggle for me? Anyway, I think part of it is I looked forward to getting married, I looked forward to buying a house and now what? We spend so much time focusing on what we have to look forward to and not enough time to enjoy this moment in time. What’s in front of us. ✋ Guilty AF. But it’s so easy to say be happy in this moment. Apparently the chemicals in my brain are off a little, maybe a lot depending on who you ask. Trust me, the littlest things get me excited and make me happy but it all fades. How does one find true happiness in Life? Or find yourself? What does that even mean? Like hello, I’m right here self. Okay bad joke but I know who I am and blah blah, I just want my happy. You have to find happiness within yourself and love yourself to find pure happiness. But again so easy to say, doing is another thing. It’s not the things you buy, when you get married or buy a house. All that giddy excitement fades and then what’s left? Instead of enjoying each moment in life every day, like when I get home and see my husband and dogs, I simply just go through the motions of the day to get by. I may be all wrong here but it’s what flows through my mind. So here I am trying to find my happiness which I have found through hiking & climbing. I escape that anxiety that runs my life. It calms me. I’m happy when I’m out there. You realize how small you are in comparison to the world and how miniscule our problems are but we still deserve to be happy. Problem is I can’t do that all the time. It’s like a drug, the best kind of drug out there in my opinion. Others might argue that one. Just sayin. It’s therapy. Medication & just good for the soul. You get that body high feeling when you’ve made it to the top but after coming down, I’m set in my ways again. I need to find that happiness in my every day life. This isn’t a pity party. And I’m sure some people that read this will think, man she is so ridiculous, she has life so good, what does she have to complain about and that’s true. People go through some crazy shit in their life and probably wish to have a life like mine. Maybe you can’t relate and thats okay. This blog may not be for you but I promise after this blog it will mostly be about my adventures. Im sure by my facebook post you’d never guess this is going on. Most people post the happy stuff because thats what we want people to see. You never know what’s going on behind those post in that’s person life besides the happy stuff right? So here’s to finding my happy & maybe finding yours if you’re in the same boat.
This blog will mainly be about my outdoor adventures but I wanted to share a little about me and occasionally intertwine life with my mountain adventures.
Next up, how and why I decided to climb Rainier & my training…
Until next time,